a year ago today, I went back to work, almost 12 weeks* after Clara's birth. it was a hard, hard day, the date of which I will never forget. I've been sort of dreading the "anniversary" for awhile and all day today, thought I should write something about it tonight.
it's still not easy.
since Scott ended up quitting his job to stay home with her 50ish weeks ago, I haven't had the added stress of her being in daycare (though that will come next year). I know she's received just as good of care from her dada as she would have with me. but... I miss her. every day. and I beat myself up for not working more productively so I can leave early and spend more time with her, etc etc. I suppose this is the infamous "mom guilt."
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| the night before I went back to work |
now, she's such a big, funny, sweet, smart girl. she's shy, like I was as a kid (and still am, really). much cuter though =)
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| {picasa movie star effect} |
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| {trying to plug in the phone} |
though I'm rarely effective at turning stress/sadness into action, I wanted to do something special to commemorate surviving this year. so tonight, I finished a project I've been putting off - a tent Scott and I were building for Clara's play area. he finished the frame a week or so ago; I just needed to make the cover.
can't wait to give it to her in the morning, and to cherish every minute I do get to spend with her reading books and goofing off in there...
-g.
*I would be remiss in not thanking my dad, who paid my hospital bill so I could stay home longer (my job had no paid leave)
5 comments:
I love the tent! Penelope needs one of those.
I am not sure what to say about work-- I've resented it on some days and been glad to go on others. I've been working pretty part-time, though, so I haven't suffered much guilt. I had a SAHM who became over-invested in her children as a result. Because of my experiences, I think that it is far better to have a mom who has her own life/job outside the home. Still, it would be nice to have a job where you can take just a couple of years off without consequence. That would be ideal. You look so sad in the picture at 12 weeks-- maternity leave is far too short in this country!!
Lesley, thanks for the moral support (and about the tent) :)
Who knows if it would even be good for her to be home with me all the time?! With the perspective I have now, I think maybe our ideal for her would be 1 year at home, then a couple of years in a morning preschool/daycare 3-5 mornings a week. She needs some socialization at this point, but I'll be sad when she's in daycare 9 hours a day, 5 days a week (though I know she'll be "ok").
You look so sad in that picture. Maternity leave is so short. It makes me angry, but that's another topic.
I'm glad I work for a couple of reasons - independence, more equality in work around the house, plus all of what Lesley said - but I miss my kid. Part time would be ideal, but it's not going to happen for me.
The daycare thing does get easier when they are older. Henry LOVES school. (Tip: Call it "school"!) I can't even get his coat off before he is off running around and wanting to give his teacher a hug.
-it's not letting me log in, but this is Mara from Barfing rainbows :)
Thanks, Mara! Too cute that Henry loves school like that - sure hope Clara will be the same :)
I'm really glad I saved this in my reader to read today. I've been back at work for 6 weeks or so. It's hard - and I LOVE my job. Leaving my sweet man in the morning is nearly impossible. Missing feedings, rolling over, and smiles literally breaks my heart. I know I'm doing the right thing and I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. I needed that today.
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